Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
