i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
