I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
