dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
