Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My vagina is officially offended.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
