Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
