How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
