If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
