Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
