I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
