dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
