On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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