It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
