I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
