just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
