I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
