if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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