Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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