i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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