I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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