She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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