call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
