Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
