it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
