Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
