He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
