it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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