also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
