You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
