True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
