she was so not down for the gang bang
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
