I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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