we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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