Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
