bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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