Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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