where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
