We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
