I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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