just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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