on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
