from now on my penis is your penis
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
