New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
