We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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