No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
