It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
