I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
