Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm like, not good at living.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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