The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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