WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
